Homo Primarius
In the beginning, Homo Primarius (First Man) grew cunning, and with his newfound intelligence, began to devise all manner of labor-saving devices, such as the heavy club, the heavy rock, and the day off. Having conquered nature, or at least the need to scrabble constantly to eke out a living in his harsh environment, Primarius found himself with time on his hands and soon had discovered boredom. Putting his cunning to work, Primarius invented leisure time and realized he had a need to fill it with activities and pursuits that took his mind off his daily grind.
Since shopping and off-road vehicles had not yet been invented, Primarius turned to music. Not the mindless mimicry of soulless birdsong or the ugly noises of nature, like the incoherent cascade of a waterfall or the irritating susurrus of wind, but to the artistic creativity that his high intelligence made possible.
Using implements he had at hand (heavy club, heavy rock) Primarius came up with this:
Thunk, thunk, whack...
Thunk, thunk, whack...(Huh!)
Thunk, thunk, whack...
Thunk, thunk, whack...(Hubba!)...and so on.
Notice the inclusion of the human voice, a musical tactic that would be key to the future of the art form.
A few short millenniums later, Primarius had evolved into Homo Hierarchus (Every-man-in-his-place-man) and two important inventions followed almost immediately, religion and science. Religion initially turned to the human voice as the exclusive conduit to God. Religious music exalted the divine power of the human voice to inspire, such as when you can hear your mother calling from ten hectares away and was seen as a way to get closer to God, or at least to take your mind of unnatural and ungodly pursuits such as baseball. This made it just barely possible that you might go to heaven, an opportunity dubbed the Gregorian Chance.
Science, on the other hand, followed a different path. First, it was necessary to separate and categorize all noises into those deemed MUSICAL and those deemed SOMETHING ELSE. Once all noises were properly categorized, science turned to the invention and limited-edition production of tools to make musical noises, tools like the gong, the drum, and the licorice stick.
To aid the design of the new tools, science further sorted noises in terms of pitch. Using formulas known only to tenured purveyors of the arcane arts, science developed the scale, close harmony, and twelve-tone serialism, which was used to explain the noises your cat makes when walking on the piano.
Soon consonance and dissonance emerged, and though nobody yet knew the difference, the table had been set for a feast of composition.
Unemployed persons from every corner of civilization flocked to the new endeavor and mothers everywhere soon learned to warn their daughters against such losers. A musical explosion was underway, and several notable works were composed, most of which are now relegated to the category of "classical" music, of interest only to those who live in the past and have thoroughly failed to "grow up", much less become efficient members of society.
No matter. Hierarchus also busied himself with the worthless pursuit of learning. All aspects of musical theory were handed down from generation to generation by the elitist class and much respect was given to the actual musicians themselves who toiled lifetimes to attain technical excellence in the performance of difficult, if otherwise incomprehensible, works which were often written specifically to showcase such technical skills.
Science soon came to its senses and recognized its folly. New devices were invented that enabled anyone, even the village idiot, to compose and perform with the same apparent skill as any of the so-called masters. Before this device became available, many "new" musical forms had come into being. Though thought to be original forms, "blues" and "jazz" were merely simplified versions of "classical" music and were relegated to the lower FM frequencies. "Country and Western" and "Top 40" (later "Alternative Contemporary") forms, with their liberal use of the female singer, showed signs of venturing into new territory, but it was not until the advent of "rap" music that a truly creative form emerged. For example:
Thunk, thunk, whack...
Thunk, thunk, whack...(Expletive)